


Tame (formerly Perspective)

by Variabile



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Community: snkkink, Complete, Crossdressing, Fluff, M/M, Oral Sex, Wigs, and for once it's Eren having them, body image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-10
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 07:18:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Variabile/pseuds/Variabile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now with added Jean's POV as a second chapter.</p><p>I changed the title because I've just realized there's a tanyart fic with the same title and I felt like a dork - I'm sorry, I'm terrible at naming things.</p><p>For a prompt on the SNK kink meme - Jean fucking Eren in a shitty black wig and the both of them pretending it makes Eren look like Mikasa. Somewhere in my brain it short-circuited with some of my own old issues and the result is this. </p><p>Eren will try to make things good for Jean, despite everything. But it seems he doesn't need to try too hard, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren's side

"This doesn't look like Mikasa's hair."

Jean winces and blushes.

"Just...go with it. It's the closest I could find."

"We could just..." Eren blushes a little himself. "It's short, but...my hair is real hair, at least. And it's dark."

Jean looks at him for a long moment, swallows - then shakes his head. 

"No. I-it's too short, and - hers is like, ink-black, yours is like very dark brown, and hers is all flat and thick, yours is thin and a bit m- just put the thing on, alright? If you still want to do- do the thing, that is."

"Alright, yes, I do."

He puts on the wig, his back to Jean, and eyes himself critically in the mirror. What Jean said ("Just go with it, the closest I could find") could apply to the whole of his outfit. Outfit - it's a big word for what he's wearing.

"Should've gone with the uniform, instead of trying to imitate her civvies," he mutters to himself.

"Everybody here wears an uniform," Jean points out. "It would defeat the purpose of dressing up".

"I would be wearing something more than a skirt, at least."

"I don't mind you- Mikasa- I don't think it looks too bad."

Eren shakes his head. He doesn't look like Mikasa - he doesn't even look like Eren dressing up as Mikasa - he looks like Eren in a skirt and wig.

For starters, he couldn't bring himself to wear anything even resembling the red scarf. Then, he couldn't find a blouse - he went as far as to try on one, but his shoulders filled it way too much, he would've stretched it and he didn't feel like ruining Mikasa's clothes for this. 

That left only the skirt - which is an old, consumed thing that Mikasa was using for rags and Eren recovered as well as he could - that's why it's much shorter than what Mikasa would find decent. It's his size, at least, but his legs in it look so out of place - they're too thick and, while he's not all that hairy, Mikasa is almost completely smooth.

He watches the locks fall on his naked shoulders. The wig doesn't fit him, either. Aside from the low quality of the hair, fuzzy and messy and with no shine to it, there's the fact that the color is much too black-blue. It makes him look sickly and green. Maybe, if his skin was paler, pinker...

Not for the first time, Eren thinks that he looks as different from most people as Mikasa does. 

He catches Jean's face in the mirror - he's looking at him, his face softening, blushing a little across his nose. Jean, now _he_ looks like something - disheveled clothes, messy dirt blond locks and chestnut brown underneath, light hazel eyes, well-sculpted face, long and lanky and elegant. He's so gorgeous, Jean. He can't fathom why he keeps going for weird-looking people like him and Mikasa - though he supposes he himself doesn't count, does he, he's just a way to let off steam. 

He wonders if Jean even likes him. It doesn't feel like it, sometimes, while they're fucking.

Jean grabs his wrist and pulls delicately, and Eren turns to look at him. Jean leans back on the bed and pats on his legs, and Eren obeys, straddling his thighs and wrapping his arms loosely around his neck, their eyes level, feeling the brush of Jean's clothes on the skin of his thighs. Jean brushes a stray lock of wig hair from Eren's face with a delicate gesture, the tip of his long fingers dragging ever-so-slightly along the line of Eren's jaw.

He's being so careful, Jean, ever since Eren said yes, keeping the light, gentle manners he used to present the idea in the first place. He's probably afraid Eren will change his mind if he goes back at being a prick, but Eren hates this, hates the fact that Jean is walking on eggshells around him now, wants Jean to be the loud asshole he fights with so much, wants Jean to fuck him like they usually do, to grab him and push him and shove him and pull at his hair - though he guesses he can't, now, considering that it would mean breaking the spell.

And Jean does look like he's under a spell - there's still that blush on his face, and his expression is so incredibly soft, kind, awed, shy even. Without his usual rude smirk or grumpy expression, he looks younger, more open.

He looks gorgeous, too, but Jean always looks gorgeous, we've established this.

"Is it working?" Eren asks, because it doesn't matter how the wig looks to _him_ , after all. "Can you pretend that...well...you know...I'm pretty?" 

There's a part of him that refuses to acknowledge that he's actually so desperate for Jean that he's dressing up as his sister, because that's a low no man can easily admit he's reached, so he's compromised with himself - he just won't say it out loud. If he has, he'll pretend he's dollying himself up like he would for a special night, putting on a wig because Jean is into wigs in general. It hurts a little bit less like that. His dignity, he means. His dignity doesn't hurt as much. 

He still feels like he wants to drink himself into a stupor, though.

Jean doesn't seem to have noticed.

"Yes," he says, letting out a shuddering breath. "Yes, you look pretty. Very pretty."

He licks his lips before leaning forward, and the first kiss is delicate, but Eren still feels it in his bones and in the pit of his stomach, like a low burn, like the embers that still glow red between the ashes in the stove in the early morning hours of a long winter night.

Eren sighs, and Jean sighs with him, their breaths mingling, and then kisses him again. His hands wrap carefully on Eren's hips as he leans forward slightly and licks along the seam of Eren's lips.

Eren whines and Jean pushes his tongue further, deepening the kiss, and his fingers tighten around Eren slightly - Eren thinks he's enjoying the feeling of his hips, he's as fleshy there as Mikasa, if not more - and Eren tightens his hold on Jean's neck and answers the kiss, moaning into it, even.

He thinks he's not being a very good Mikasa - he can't imagine her being this pliant and responsive, moaning and sighing just with a little bit of making out - but then again, it's not like he's been giving the idea lots of thought. He probably should have, in order to pretend better, but he seriously can't bring himself to think of Mikasa like that. Jean doesn't seem to have noticed that, either, anyway. 

Maybe Jean's fantasy Mikasa is like this, sensitive and responsive. That would make sense. Who knows, maybe Mikasa _is_ like this. Jean has had more partners than Eren (which is not difficult, since Eren's partners list comprises of exactly one voice, Kirstchein, Jean), and he had sex with women, too, so maybe he knows something Eren doesn't. Eren can't imagine Mikasa's thighs trembling like his own are, in a way that Jean must feel since they're pressed so close, he can't imagine her whimpering the way he does when Jean nibbles on his bottom lip - but he also wouldn't have been able to imagine Jean playfully nibbling, or being capable of sliding his hands on his body with only the right amount of pressure to leave goosebumps in his wake - and he wouldn't have imagined _himself_ being able to go to such ridiculous lengths just to bask more in fucking _Jean Kirstchein_ 's fucking charms, and yet, here they are.

Still, Eren feels like he isn't doing much to help Jean, here, and there's that usual stubborn part of him that wants to do right by everybody, and he has to at least try.

"Do you want me to face the other way?" he asks, breaking the kiss. 

He wonders if he should try to make his voice high-pitched or something, but that would be a bit too much.

"Hn?" 

Jean still looks relaxed, slightly dazed, awed - _fascinated_ , Eren suddenly thinks. He's fascinated by him, and even if it's just because of the dumb wig, the thought still gives Eren a weird feeling in his stomach.

"You know, to..." one of Jean's knees slides up and his clothed thigh presses more firmly between Eren's legs, on the naked skin under the skirt, and the rest comes out in a breathy stutter "...to help maintain the illusion."

Jean blinks at him a couple times, like he can't quite remember what Eren is talking about for a long moment - then, he smiles, kind and brilliant. 

"Nah. Mikasa has killer abs too, isn't it?"

 _You think I have killer abs?_ Eren almost asks, but Jean is already kissing him again.

Eren tightens his arms around his neck again, until they're pressed together - like this, he can feel the shift of muscles in his neck and shoulders - Jean is so close that he can smell his skin, and his kisses tonight are breathtaking - was he always able to kiss like this? Was he saving it for Mikasa? She would have been one lucky girl.

Jean breaks the kiss and Eren sighs, but then one of Jean's hands comes up to brush hair from Eren's face again, again with that delicacy, and Eren has to wonder why he keeps doing that - shouldn't he use the hair to _cover_ Eren's face? Him and Mikasa might look like each other, slightly, in the dark, from behind, if Eren wears a wig - but their faces are _completely_ different.

Jean brushes his thumb along the line of Eren's bottom lip.

"Look at you. Damn." Jean's eyes keep on flickering on Eren's face, from his lips to his eyes to his nose. "I can't believe you're actually here, doing this with me."

Eren can feel his cheeks blushing brightly, can feel familiar pinpricks at the corners of his eyes - fuck, he knows he cries easily, but this is fucking ridiculous - he closes his eyes and tries to reign in his breath.

Jean presses a little kiss to his cheek, to the line of his jaw. His hand flutters along Eren's neck, to his chest, sliding down quickly - he's probably avoiding his non-existent breasts - it brushes along his hips again, on his knee, and then Jean takes away his hand, and Eren hears the noise of him sucking on his fingers before they resume their travel - whispering along the hem of his skirt - avoid Eren's half-hard dick - he probably looks so dumb, with the boner rising his skirt, but Jean doesn't seem - there's a lot of things that should ruin this for Jean that Jean doesn't give a fuck about, isn't that weird? - and then under the skirt itself - and then they pause.

"No underwear?" He sounds faintly amused.

Eren licks his lip. "I- didn't have any that wouldn't peek from under the skirt, and- ah!"

Jean slides his fingers further up - and the whole of Eren's body is shivering. He's suddenly feeling so fucking self-conscious, he doesn't think he's ever been so shy in his life.

Jean makes a surprised noise as he meets the oil on Eren's thighs - his fingers get to Eren's hole, brush against it kindly, tentatively, like he's testing out something, which is probably what he's doing.

"Did you..."

Jean sounds surprised, but also - his breath is short and his voice is almost a grunt, and Eren thinks it was worth it, to prepare himself hastily in the bathroom, just after wearing the skirt, with his fingers that felt so much clumsier and rougher than Jean's.

He gathers himself enough to nod, even if he's still feeling shy, and he's keeping his eyes shut.

"Fuck. You did it for me? So that I would...so that I could..."

Eren nods again, with a little more conviction - it seemed such an obvious detail - how could Jean keep up the illusion of fucking a girl if he was as dry as summer down there? but Jean is reacting like this is the nicest thing anybody ever did for him, which is kind of endearing but also kind of stupid because seriously, Eren saved his life like three times the other week and he didn't get such a reaction out of him.

But then again, who cares, when Jean lets out a long exhale and starts to oh yes his fingers are _definitely_ better, whoah, maybe it's because they're longer? or maybe it's because Jean is also raining little kisses on his face in-between whispering sweet dirty nothings in his ear, which is something Eren very well can't do on his own.

"So hot. So fucking hot for me, you look incredible, you feel incredible around my fingers...got yourself all wet for me...so sweet, so hot...oh, you kill me, you fucking kill me..."

"Jean!" and look, his voice has gone all high-pitched all on its own.

"Yes, yes, come on, come _on_...D'ya want to suck my cock, pretty? Please?" 

His voice breaks, and Eren thinks that if they were doing it as usual, he would answer that with a punch - that if he was really Mikasa, he would just stand up and walk away - but he feels like he's being neither, like he's being something in-between that doesn't exist anywhere except Jean's fantasies, and if in Jean's fantasies he gets sucked off whenever he asks, then Eren will suck him off.

He slides on Jean's legs, while Jean leans with his back against the bed frame. He undoes Jean's trousers, and wow, Jean is very hard - the dumb wig must be working much better for him than it does for Eren. 

He gives his cock a tentative lick and looks up at him - he doesn't have much experience with blowjobs, but if he spies Jean's reactions he can usually guess what he's doing right.

But, Jean smiles down at him, brushes his hair away from his face again with that kindness - he looks at him like he's this precious, fragile thing and Eren bats his eyes a couple times but he can't help it, waterworks open, so he shuts his eyes again to keep them in.

"No, look at me...look at me, come on, I don't like it with your eyes closed..." 

Eren doesn't answer - he just puts the tip of Jean's cock in his mouth and sucks, hears him whine and his voice break and the way his breath stutters - but Jean doesn't give up on this.

"Come on, I love your eyes...never met somebody that had eyes like yours, you know? Blue-green, such a beautiful color..."

And Eren's eyes flip open in surprise, because Mikasa's eyes are _black_. Ink-black, like her hair.

Maybe he should say something about this - but Jean is looking at him in that way again and Eren can feel his heart breaking in his chest so he says nothing, he just keeps eye contact and starts bobbing his head up and down and Jean bites his lip and grits his teeth and whines and tells him he's beautiful, so fucking beautiful.

He's not sure what to do. Mikasa would probably - he doesn't want to think of Mikasa, when he does his stomach constricts like it's been punched.

He stops to slide his mouth back to Jean's, and he was expecting Jean to protest, but it doesn't happen - what happens instead is that Jean was eagerly waiting for his mouth on his own again, apparently, and he worries at his lip, nibbles, sucks, and keeps on kissing him like Jean has been starving for months and Eren is a feast, even as he grabs Eren's hips and lines himself up with Eren's hole and starts pushing down on his hips to make him sit down.

Eren's mouth opens in a long exhale and his hands move to dig in the fabric on Jean's shoulders, his head falling back, because Jean makes him take it all in with one smooth push and maybe this is how you do it with girls but it might be a bit much for Eren, it makes his back arch and his body shudder and the tears that have been gathering in his eyes fall out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Does it hurt? I'm sorry!"

"No, it's...give me...a minute."

"Of course, all the time you want, I..." Jean presses kisses to his forehead, on the corners of his closed eyes. "Fuck, don't cry...I can't stand it when you cry..."

And this, somehow, makes Eren want to cry even more - he sobs, and he - before he can think about it, he's standing up on his knees, letting Jean slide out of him - Jean still has his hands on his hips, and they tighten slightly in surprise, but then open, and Eren could easily get out of his grasp, and this, too, is different from usual, this, too, makes him want to cry.

"Eren?" he asks, so, so kindly.

"I can't," he says.

"You...can't..."

"I feel stupid. With this fucking thing-" and then he stops talking because he went to take off his wig, except that apparently he isn't wearing one.

He blinks stupidly a couple time and turns around - there, on the bed, there's the wig, abandoned, and who knows when exactly it fell off. He turns back towards Jean, who's looking to the side, biting his lip nervously, red and disheveled and hot, his eyes shiny like he, too, wants to cry - and, finally, it _clicks_ \- no need to turn around, and wanting to see his face, and blue-green eyes, and - Eren can be dense, but nobody is quite _that_ dense.

He grabs Jean's chin to make him turn back towards him, and kisses him, long and hard, before sliding down on him, taking him in again.

Jean moans, almost sobs, and Eren wraps his arms around his neck tight again and rides Jean, up and down, slowly at first, still adjusting, still looking for a good angle - but then he does find it, and a good rhythm, and Jean moves his arms around Eren's waist and squeezes, kisses Eren again, slow, before starting again to whisper in his ear.

"So beautiful, so very beautiful...beautiful eyes, beautiful skin...ah, yes, like this, you're so good, so beautiful, so perfect...you drive me crazy sometimes, you make me do such stupid shit..."

They're pressed so tight Jean's clothes are brushing against his erection on every movement, and Eren feels very close already, just with that and Jean fucking him and he digs his blunt nails in the fabric of Jean's shirt and bunches it up.

Jean reacts with a little whine - he seems to be fighting against the urge to close his eyes to keep looking at Eren, and Eren finds this so sweet - everything about Jean tonight is so sweet, and it's not on Mikasa that he's being sweet, and Eren feels like laughing and feels like marking the day down on his calendar.

"Be like this more often," he orders.

"Yes," Jean answers, and lets out a long, stuttering sigh, and looks at him like he's the most beautiful thing that ever happened. "Yes, everything you want, Eren."

In the morning, the skirt gets discreetly returned to Mikasa's rag pile, and the wig gets thrown in the stove, and then Eren comes back to finish sleeping next to Jean.


	2. Jean's side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I changed the title because I've just realized there's a tanyart fic with the same title and I felt like a dork - I'm sorry, I'm terrible at naming things.
> 
> Also I wanted to post more stuff but I need a minute to digest the latest happenings. So for now, have this, the infamous Jean's POV of that one fic. Not entirely happy with how it came out but I'm never happy with how stuff comes out, to be honest. It's ridic mushy, I think as a reaction to chapter 53, which, as we all know, came from the maws of Satan himself. Plus Jean is just mushy, in this fic.
> 
> \---

"This doesn't look like Mikasa's hair."

Jean winces and blushes. Yeah, Eren, he knows he doesn't - thank you very much - but he was on the shoestring budget of a Scouting Legion recruit, and he had to sneak away from the squad that was in town for supplies during five minutes of distraction to buy it, since he had no way to explain reasonably his sudden need for black wigs, and he was sure that if he gave Eren more than a day or two to mull over the idea he'll change his mind - it's a miracle he said yes at all - so all in all, Jean thinks he did more than fine.

"Just...go with it. It's the closest I could find."

"We could just..." Eren blushes a little himself. "It's short, but...my hair is real hair, at least. And it's dark."

Jean swallows. 

See. Thing is. Two things, actually. 

First one: it's not like the wig could really help pretend Eren is Mikasa - even if it was the best wig ever made, that would require a level of suspension of disbelief Jean cannot quite achieve. But. Admitting that would be admitting that it was a stupid idea, and Jean can't do that, because it was _his_ idea. Or, to put it better, he vocalized something that he can't quite take back.

Look. He really likes blowjobs, alright, who doesn't, and Eren has a natural talent for them, and seeing Eren down there, all eager red mouth and bobbing head of black hair, had pushed in his head the memory of a fantasy - one involving Mikasa, and therefore an old, web-covered one, since lately all of his desire has been embarrassingly Eren-centric, but one of the hottest ones nonetheless - and so, when they were just done, sweat cooling on their bodies, he had said something to the effect of how Eren could look like Mikasa if he dressed up a bit and wouldn't that be hot, because his brain was still leaking from his ears and he had no filter at all. 

Half a second after expressing the concept, he cringed, fully expecting Eren to punch him, and with good reason - god knows Jean would have punched Eren were their roles reversed - but Eren said yes and after that Jean couldn't take it back without upsetting Eren, making him convinced that Jean came up with the whole elaborated plan just to be an asshole to him, and so Jean has to keep up the pretense at least for a while.

And that's for thing number one.

Thing number two is...well...let's put it this way: they're usually at least halfway through the whole thing before Eren even starts to maybe consider the hypothesis of not reacting to everything that Jean does with a 'fuck you' and a punch. The very few times he tried to take things a bit slower Eren always puffed and snorted and forced his hand to make it fast and violent, and Jean was convinced this is what he wanted, just a quick, angry get off with somebody he didn't really care about, and then both back on their merry ways. But he accepted to do this, and - somehow - it shifted the air, ever so slightly, but enough that tonight, Eren just...does the things that Jean asks. 

Alright, it's not like he doesn't like it the other way, the whole battling his way to the prize, because he loves it - and honestly, he'll have Eren in a pool of mud with Titans cheering on them if that's the only way to have him - but he's more naturally inclined to being sweet and tender and cherishing, and, well. Eren deserves it, to have people cherish him. It's just that he never allows people to do it, but...Maybe he will, if Jean makes it good, if he shows him there's no need to be always so defensive and belligerent, that slow and kind can be nice, too.

But to do that, he has to keep on the pretense for a little bit longer, at least until he's got Eren relaxed and sated enough - because pushing it too fast or too forward or in the wrong direction, with Eren, means risking a limb.

Sometimes dealing with Eren feels like taming some wild animal, really - Eren's lucky Jean likes himself a challenge. 

"No. I-it's too short, and - hers is like, ink-black, yours is like very dark brown, and hers is all flat and thick, yours is thin and a bit m-" alright Jean you know an uncomfortable level of details about everybody's hair _change the subject you creep_ "-just put the thing on, alright? If you still want to do- do the thing, that is."

"Alright, yes, I do."

Eren puts on the wig. He doesn't look like Mikasa - hell, he doesn't even look like a girl, but still, Jean thinks he looks fine - the way the skirt emphasizes the flare of his hips and the strength of his legs and the roundness of his ass, and how the length of the wig's hair calls attention on his shoulders, that have been filling up, lately, squared and wide, and the black-blue makes his eyes wider and greener.

Then again, when you look like Eren you can dress in anything and look amazing. Fuck, look at that wide back, look at those arms, look at that chest, look at those abs...at how his face looks intensely dissatisfied.

"Should've gone with the uniform, instead of trying to imitate her civvies."

"Everybody here wears an uniform. It would defeat the purpose of dressing up." 

_Plus it's kind of very hot that you're willing to put on a skirt and a shitty wig for me_ , Jean doesn't add. 

"I would be wearing something more than a skirt, at least."

"I don't mind you- Mikasa- I don't think it looks too bad."

It really, really doesn't, but Eren still doesn't look reassured at all. He's so nervous, tonight, Eren, shy, even. That's adorable, and it's adorable that he's still going through with it despite his doubts - let's face it, adorable doesn't even cover it, it's nothing short of a miracle - another one. It makes Jean want to die, to know what Eren is willing to do for him, after all, under all the riotous, assholish attitude and the insults and the punches. He tried to keep up the idea of superimposing Mikasa's face on Eren for like, ten seconds, just as a form of honoring his word, but the more he tries the more Eren is _Eren_ and Jean can't help it, his mind is just filled with him, Eren Eren Eren, and so be it.

He grabs him by the wrist and pats his legs, and Eren obeys - holy shit, _Eren obeys_ , those two words, oh fuck.

He observes Eren's face up close, basks in the heat of his body, brushes hair off his face, follows the line of his jaw with the tips of his fingers. Honestly, he's just...enjoying Eren, reveling in him, in the closeness and softness that he's allowing him.

"Is it working?" Eren asks, and he's chewing on his lip and avoiding his eyes, still obviously unsure about the way he looks. "Can you pretend that...well...you know...I'm pretty?" 

See, that, right there, is the crux of the problem.

If he had the guts, Jean could just say, "you're beautiful, you always are, it requires no pretending - I'd rather be with you once than with Mikasa a thousand times. Now let me shower you in slow and passionate sex, idiot."

But - Jean doesn't have them guts, and even if he did, Eren would just think he's being ridiculous, or that he's mocking him, or some other thing that will magically translate the plain kind words Jean's speaking into some incredibly hurtful thing in Eren's specific language, because Eren is a volatile creature, and Jean isn't very smooth in the best case scenario, and he doesn't even know how it got this far without either of them destroying this tiny moment and turning it into another brief and breathtaking romp in the hay. 

So he just says something that will probably be acceptable at this point in time:

"Yes. Yes, you look pretty. Very pretty."

And then he kisses him, because that's a language they have in common, tonight. He kisses him, slowly, carefully, tenderly, and then breaks the kiss and feels Eren sigh and sighs with him, and then they kiss again - Eren just accepts whatever Jean does, delicious and pliant and sweet, and Jean wants him bad, so bad, but he also wants to take it so slow it never stops. He urges the kiss to become deeper, but always kindly, and Eren just goes slack against him, in this way he's never felt from him before. 

He digs his fingers in the curve of his hips under the skirt, feeling the way his muscles are relaxing, tensing and then letting go under the padding of round sides, and basks in the knowledge that it's because of himself, Jean made him melt like this, just with his kisses.

He wonders if Mikasa would be like this. Probably not - and for the first time in his life he considers himself lucky that Mikasa always refused him. She would be cold, maybe, taking a lot of time to melt down and let herself go, and Jean can respect that, but - even when he's being violent and cruel, Eren is always _there_ , fully, willing to give himself completely so easily, and Jean _adores_ that, adores being with somebody who's so sensual and present and responsive and _alive_ , quivering in his arms - it makes him want to ravish him. He nibbles on his bottom lip and drinks in the little whimper Eren lets out at this, whispers the tips of his fingers along Eren's back just to feel him shiver slightly - oh god he wants him so bad he's going to fucking _explode_.

Eren breaks the kiss to say something, but Jean's mind is still so busy with _oh, Eren_ that it takes a moment to understand that he's asking if he should turn around - and even when Jean _does_ understand it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, so he reacts with a questioning noise.

He looks at Eren and oh fuck he looks so _shy_ , and so sweet, and so pretty, and when he starts talking again, he bends his leg to push it further in the heat between Eren's thighs, just for the pleasure of hearing his voice catch and stutter.

And then he puts together the meaning behind what Eren is saying and oh, he thinks they're still doing the Mikasa thing? But of course he does, Jean realizes, a bit bitter - he wouldn't be like this if he wasn't pretending to be somebody he's not, would he? Eren-as-Eren would never waste his time letting himself be wooed by Jean, would he.

Alright, then, let's keep it up, if it keeps Eren nice and kind and perfect as he's been so far - god, he really is desperate for him, isn't it.

"Nah. Mikasa has killer abs too, isn't it?"

Eren looks at him in surprise for a split second, almost like he wants to ask something, but Jean just wants to kiss him and so he does.

He kisses him with all he has, puts in it all the things he can't say about how Eren is beautiful and sweet and kind, and how he doesn't need to always be strong and tough around him, how Jean doesn't mind it when he's weak - strangely enough, this is similar to how he always imagined himself kissing Mikasa, but it feels so much more right with Eren.

He breaks the kiss because he wants to look at him, make sure it's truly Eren he's kissing - Eren sighs and looks at him, those blue-green eyes so close he can count the single eyelashes around them - he combs away another lock of hair to have an unimpeded view of that face, brushes his thumb against the curve of his full bottom lip. That is the mouth he's kissing. What the hell, how did he even land himself such a beauty.

"Look at you. Damn. I can't believe you're actually here, doing this with me."

Eren blushes brightly, and his eyes go wide for a moment before he flutters them closed, his long eyelashes sprawling against the line of his lower eyelid -holy _shit_ , is it even normal for a gesture so fucking mundane to look so perfect - what the fuck, he's just been seduced by Eren _closing his eyes_. He's done, stick a fork in him.

He wants to touch him, to ravish him, to jump him, to kiss him, but at the same time he doesn't want to destroy the atmosphere - he presses reverential kisses on Eren's face, his hands brush all over his body, begging for Eren's skin but unsure of where to go, of how to touch him without upsetting one of Eren's infinite berserk buttons, just like he doesn't know how to say the things he wants to say without scaring him off or turning it into a joke.

He takes a deep breath, lets his hands wander and - he wants under his skirt. He wants his heat down there, he wants...he wants to make him mewl with his fingers, he wants to watch him come undone a little bit more.

He puts his fingers in his mouth before starting - he's not in any rush, he wants to build up to it, he wants to make Eren shiver in anticipation - which Eren does, dutifully, because tonight he's just decided he's going to go and be perfect. He teases a little more before sliding his hand up, slowly, waiting to meet the linen of army-issue underwear, but there's nothing but that heathed, taut skin, slightly sweaty.

Eren is going commando? Isn't he a little bit too shy for that?

"No underwear?" 

Eren licks his lip. "I- didn't have any that wouldn't peek from under the skirt, and- ah!"

So he's doing it because he didn't want to ruin it for Jean, that's so adorable, what the hell...but he's still so shy, judging by how he's shivering - which is weird, they did this other times, never like this, but - and then he realizes that he's meeting warm oil on Eren's thighs, and when he reaches his hole, he...is he...

"Did you...?"

Eren nods, his eyes still closed, blushing bright.

Oh, _fuck_.

"Fuck. You did it for me? So that I would...so that I could..."

Eren nods again, and Jean just about _dies_ \- what the hell, who knew he could be so cute? How could Jean want to pretend to be with somebody else when Eren is like _this_? What the fuck? Jean is a piece of shit for even proposing something like this to him, and he would have liked to be there - he bets Eren was so beautiful as he prepared himself, his legs spread - did he do it while he was in the bathroom? Oh fuck, he did, didn't he, this is why he took so long.

His fingers slide inside Eren easily, but he's as tight and hot as he usually is and he wants him so badly, he aches for him - Eren's head tilts backwards as he arches against him and his wig falls off, and Jean grabs it and throws it aside before Eren can readjust it because Eren looks so much better like this, with nothing impeding the view of his face, his messy dark-brown hair sticking every which way, his shoulders and neck tensing and relaxing as Jean works him the way he knows drives him crazy, and he can't help but press kisses on his beautiful face, whisper in his ear like a prayer, even if it risks making Eren realize what's going on and destroying the little miracle Jean managed.

"So hot. So fucking hot for me, you look incredible, you feel incredible around my fingers...got yourself all wet for me...so sweet, so hot...oh, you kill me, you fucking kill me..."

"Jean!" 

Eren's voice is sweet, hot, heartbreaking, and his mouth is plump with kisses and Eren is biting his lip, probably not even realizing he's doing it, and Jean wants that mouth on his dick and Eren is being so pliant, so nice, and Jean wants him wants him wants him...

"Yes, yes, come on, come on...D'ya want to suck my cock, pretty? Please?" 

Eren's eyes flip open and he looks at Jean for a long, dazed moment, still biting his lip, and Jean is sure he's done it, it's over, Eren will punch him and - but then Eren slides along his body and this is another fucking miracle in a night full of miracles.

Eren's fingers tremble as he undoes his trousers, and in some less dazed part of himself Jean realizes that Eren has been shivering and blushing a lot tonight, that he's never seen him so shy, so weak, and it's probably wrong to enjoy it so much but he loves it, the way Eren is showing him this hidden side, even if he's doing it just because he thinks that's how Jean thinks Mikasa would be, even if it all just a front - but then again, how much of a front can it be? He doesn't know Eren to be a good actor, and then Eren is licking his dick, and Jean's upper brain functions shut down.

He brushes a stray lock of hair from Eren's face again because those eyes, those eyes looking up at him with that cautious expression he has when he's spying his face, when he wants to know if he's doing things right, it's amazing, he loves that.

And then Eren closes his eyes and while he's again doing the whole sexy-fanning-eyelashes thing (does he _know_ he's doing that? Is it a normal thing to be so fascinated by it? Or is Jean totally fucking insane? No, don't answer that) he wants those eyes on him again, he wants to know Eren is looking at him and him alone just like Jean is looking at him and him alone and also Eren just has these really pretty eyes, alright, it's a thing, he's not even the first one to notice, and he knows he should probably keep it to himself, but he can't stop his mouth, he started sweet-talking Eren before and now he can't stop. 

"No, look at me...look at me, come on, I don't like it with your eyes closed..." 

Eren takes him in deeper, and it becomes even harder to think, his whole body feels enveloped in heath and softness and his own breath hitches - but he misses those eyes still, he misses them so badly...

"Come on, I love your eyes...never met somebody that had eyes like yours, you know? Blue-green, such a beautiful color..."

And finally, here they are, wide and gorgeous, and then Eren takes more of him in his mouth and starts bobbing his head up and down and Jean just goes fucking crazy, starts blabbering some nonsensical sweet-talk. Oh fuck he wants him, he really does.

He's so enamoured that when Eren stops blowing him to crawl back on him and kiss him again all that Jean can think is that he's so fucking lucky, and so fucking okay with whatever Eren wants to say or do, and he's never ever asking anything of him again except _exist in my same space-time continuum and sometimes fuck me_ , except he feels Eren's hot thighs wrapped around his waist again only now his dick is out and he wants that heat he felt on his fingers and he feels greedy again, now, he wants to ask things again, now.

He kisses him, teases his mouth with his own, that perfect mouth that matches perfect eyes and perfect body, and Eren melts against him again - he feels his arms squeezing him, and he puts his hands on his hips and guides him to take him in, and he isn't expecting Eren to be so pliant but he is so what happens is that he pushes maybe a little too hard and Eren just. Sits down on his dick what the hell he's going to _die_ this feels too good to be real...

...except he feels Eren's long exhale against his mouth and the way his fingers bunch in the shoulders of his uniform and Jean's eyes flip open and Eren is _crying_ , oh fuck, Jean is such a massive bastard, so greedy and selfish and impatient, and he was complaining about Eren being incapable of being sweet without a wig but maybe it's Jean the one who can only be nice to Eren if there's some elaborated pretend game behind, isn't it?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Does it hurt? I'm sorry!"

"No, it's...give me...a minute."

"Of course, all the time you want, I..." Jean presses kisses to his forehead, on the corners of his closed eyes, tastes the tears that are still sliding out and feels like he wants to cry himself a little bit. "Fuck, don't cry...I can't stand it when you cry..."

Eren lets out a little sob and motions to stand up and for a moment Jean has an ugly instinct of holding him down because damn does he feel good, but of course he can't, of course he finally managed to upset him and now all he can do is accept that he fucked up again.

"Eren?" he asks, hoping he doesn't sound as heartbroken as he feels - he's supposed to treat this as a little experiment that went wrong, after all.

"I can't," is Eren's answer - Jean's stomach sinks. 

What is it that he can't? He can't take Jean being so nice to him, or he can't keep on pretending he's not realized how hard Jean has fell for him, or he can't...

"You...can't..."

"I feel stupid. With this fucking thing-" and then he stops talking because he seems surprised at finding the top of his own head.

Jean turns his head to the side. Of course. The wig. He hasn't realized a thing - he thinks they're just fooling around as usual, he's probably tired of Jean being such a softie, maybe he just can't take it when Jean is being so weird. Maybe he's scared by Jean being a creeper. Or maybe Jean did inadvertently hurt him and it broke the fiction for him. Whatever it was - it's just stupid, the way Jean has been going around this - fuck, Eren is going to laugh at him now, tell him he's fucking ridiculous for even thinking...

And then Eren grabs his chin and makes him look at him and kisses him, hard, pushy and passionate like he's usually, and - Jean isn't really understanding anything anymore, but Eren presses his face in the crook of his neck and slides down on him again and maybe Jean is okay with not understanding anything anymore, who the hell cares.

He lets out a most embarrassing sound and Eren is hugging him tight again and Jean can feel he's trying to find what's good for him and just lets him figure out, basking in it even a little - Eren riding him, so good, Jean would accept horse jokes much easily if they lead to this happening more often - until Eren shivers and throws his head back, and then Jean wraps his arms around his waist and kisses him again, and finds his ear and lets the sweet talk bubble out of him, not controlling it at all, not caring.

Eren fists the shoulders of his uniform again, and Jean whines, delighted by how much this is affecting Eren, too, and fights against the urge to close his eyes to look at Eren's gorgeous, gorgeous face, because Eren is beautiful always, but especially so when he just lets go - and then Eren catches his eyes and smiles like he's sharing a secret and Jean can't breathe.

"Be like this more often," Eren says.

"Yes," Jean answers, sighing like a fucking girl in a romance novel because he is _done_ , he will throw himself in the fucking fire if Eren asks him - "yes, everything you want, Eren."

In the early hours of the morning, Jean wakes up to Eren sliding out of his bed. For a long moment, he panics - but just when he's resolved to go and find Eren and beg him to come back please he'll just make things back to the way they were before, Eren sneaks back in the room and Jean closes his eyes and pretends he never woke up. When he opens his eyes Eren is already almost asleep again, and his eyes are closed and doing the whole sexy-fan-thing and Jean sighs, because his approach of trying to tame Eren was stupid, when the one who has been tamed is, very obviously, himself.


End file.
